Archive for March 12th, 2010

That 6th Grader Inside

Somedays I just cannot get rid of the 6th grader inside my head.

I leave a meeting and start replaying a discussion in my head.  Over and over again… “maybe I should have said this instead of that”…”maybe if I had phrased it this way the first time around, Will would not have had to jump in and save me”…”maybe if I had started with this piece of data Andy would not have been so confused”.

It can drive you crazy that little voice.

Not only does the voice pop up after meetings, but depending on how harsh I am on myself, it pops up late in the evening when I’m trying to go to bed…replaying over and over again.

The same voice pops up when I am reading and responding to certain emails.  Periodically someone will reply to an email chain in a totally unexpected way.  I can practically feel the confusion or the defensiveness or the scolding as it jumps off my screen.

I start to feel the same way I did when we used to pass notes around friends and potential “boyfriends” in middle school.  (yes…way before text messaging existed, though I’m sure the same feelings and thoughts are there today, just with a different medium)  Why doesn’t he like me?  What didn’t he understand about meeting up by room 203 after school?  Was it something I wore? Something I said?

I wonder how many other people have that 6th grader inside of them…

I can’t make her go away, but I’m learning to tell her to be quiet and let it go.